Okay, I already know what you’re thinking: this is going to be a hot essay about all the shenanigans that happen in the elusive steam rooms of West Hollywood. I will probably do a sex positive column in Q3, but we are still in Q1, so I’m going to discuss another reason why steam rooms are intriguing: they are actually fantastic for treating psoriasis.
I inherited psoriasis from my late grandmother, may God bless her soul. My elbows are adorned with white encrusted mounds; I like to imagine that in the Pixar movie about my body, the hairs on my arm blabber on and on about how my psoriasis outbreaks look like snowcapped mesas, contemplating how in the distance, they see some unknowable heaven. Kim Kardashian also has psoriasis. But unlike her, I haven’t found a decent way to monetize it so this Substack essay that I’m writing for free shall suffice.
There’s no “cure” for psoriasis. Just like how there’s no “cure” for main character syndrome. It’s something I will have to deal with for the rest of my time on this planet.
Please believe me when I say that I have tried just about everything minus prescription pills: ointments, patches, moisturizers, sunscreen, and daily prayers. I can keep it at bay, but it will always come roaring back if the weather is kind of dry or I’m feeling kind of anxious. However, after joining this gym in West Hollywood, I’ve noticed that frequently spending 10 - 15 minutes in steam rooms actually has helped me manage my psoriasis outbreaks.
There’s the obvious reason that I’m putting myself in a humid environment which hydrates my skin. But also, I think being in a space that would literally destroy my phone helps.
Maybe, psoriasis outbreaks are a way for my body to tell me that I need a break from Dua Lipa and ethical non-monogamy discourse.
What’s the best way to “disconnect”?
I have tried a few. Sound baths stress me out because it’s too much pressure to unwind, relax, and vibe to whale humping music. Reiki makes me cry. I don’t like meditation, my mind always goes back to thinking about what memories I can use for future content. Yoga is triggering for a reason I’ll get to in another essay.
And so, steam rooms will have to do the trick.